11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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