FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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