no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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