ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
