I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
