Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
