I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
