This house was built for laser tag.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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