Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
