This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
