i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
