You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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