I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
