yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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