I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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