i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
