its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
