I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
