Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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