there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
