He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
