gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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