Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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