I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
