I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
