We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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