Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
