Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
