whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
