she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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