they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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