Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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