areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
a search helicopter?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
