I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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