I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
