Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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