i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
