like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
