Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
