don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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