I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
