Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
