I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dear god my vagina.
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