butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
