I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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