I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
