you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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