Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Come on in and take your pants off
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