so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
