OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
