alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can't just leave with hair like that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
