a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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