so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
