Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
