Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
