Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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