I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
