You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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