I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
