Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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