Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
