Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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