tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
