Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
