Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize