Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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