Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
