just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We left the knife in your bed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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