While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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