i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
