11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
