am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
