we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
